20 Lessons I Learned from Living in New York

It’s been 8 years since I moved to New York.

New York is like the whole world in one place, from little Italy, to Chinatown to the Upper East Side, New York has it all.

I remember my excitement when I moved to the city. I wanted to be a part of it.

For a while, it seemed I was in a relationship with New York. You know, one of those rocky relationships – when it was great, it was great and when it wasn’t it, wasn’t.

Sometimes this city got the best of me. It felt like I would get knocked down and beat up. But somehow, I got back up and got the best of it.

As I changed, my relationship with New York changed too.

8 years later I have a successful business, I found the love of my life and I’m getting married in April, 2012. What more could a 30-year woman ask for?

So, to you New York, I want to say thanks – for all you have challenged me to do, taught me, and for the inspiration I have gotten from all my experiences here.

Some of the lesson’s I’ve learned are:

1.   When you need help, get it.
2.   Never ever give up.
3.   If you want it, go after it.
4.   It’s okay to cry.
5.   If it’s not the right fit, don’t force it.
6.   Most of the time, the only thing getting in your way – is you.
7.   Focus is power, stay focused.
8.   Follow your intuition.
9.   Be grateful for what you have.
10. Sometimes no matter how you spin it, things just don’t make sense. Accept it and move on.
11. Friends come and go.
12. Your habits form your future.
13. See the opportunity.
14. Believe in yourself.
15. Don’t dwell in the past. Be present.
16. Say “No” to what you don’t want.
17. No person, place or thing has power over you unless you allow it.
18. Have a learning mindset.
19. Surround yourself with positive people.
20. Be your own best friend.

It’s been a journey and I’ve met some of the most incredible people –  that’s what it’s all about.

If  you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.

It’s up to you.

Investigate Your Thinking

“Suffering is optional. Whenever we experience a stressful feeling- anything from mild discomfort to intense sorrow, rage, or despair-we can be certain that there is a specific thought causing our reaction, whether or not we are conscious of it. The way to end our stress is to investigate the thinking that lies behind it. ” – Byron Katie

When you notice a negative emotion, bring your attention to your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Actively asking yourself to examine your thoughts, will allow you to change them. Just because you’re having a thought, does not mean that it is real or true. In fact most of the time our thoughts are telling us lies. The truth is usually underneath the thought and can be found when your mind is free from thought streams (mostly conditioned by the past). When you are able to notice thoughts that don’t make you feel good, you are given the power to change your thoughts and therefore change how you feel. Make the choice to feel good. Life is a temporary experience, enjoy it.

Some of My Favorite Quotes

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” – Morrie Schwartz

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.” – Shaquille ONeal

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” – Jamie Paolinetti

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” – Oscar Wilde

“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” – Calvin & Hobbes

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”

Conscious Creation

Conscious creation is the act of making conscious effort to create the life you want. It does go deeper than just changing your life, however. Conscious creation actually refers the very act of creating your own reality.

One of the tenets of conscious creation is that we each have a separate reality that other people cannot know or really understand. And that each of us has the ability to create that reality into anything we want it to be.

Every day when we get out of bed, we set into motion the creation of a certain reality, good or bad. And through conscious, also sometimes called deliberate, creation, we can shift that reality in either a better or worse direction.

At the root of this belief system is the idea of channeling. This can be interpreted two ways. Some use it to mean channeling your own deep-seated ideas and desires, while others see it as channeling other spirits or entities that have some sort of knowledge to impart. Many use it to mean both types of channeling.

Also at the heart of this conscious way of living is the belief that we all create our own reality, even though we don’t realize it. So that when something bad happens to you, it was actually your choice to have that thing happen.

If you suffer serious illness, believers will tell you that you have brought that into your life through choice, whether you know it or not. But that by gaining control of your reality, you can change things and bring what you want into your life, whether it is health, prosperity or overall happiness.

Through the act of deliberate creation, you start each day with a goal. Rather than the goals you might wake up to now like getting the kids to school on time or completing a project at work, you look at the bigger picture. Those will still be part of your goals of course, your daily life must continue. But you will choose different goals that will help define your reality.

The first step in creating your own reality is through your beliefs. Let’s say that right now you believe that most people are selfish and only out to get what they can for themselves without regards to other people. Your belief is creating that reality in your life, so most people in your life will be just this way.

If you shift your belief to one that says that most people are good at heart and want to do the right thing, most people in your life will fit that description. If you believe that you will never get out of debt, you probably never will. But if you wake up each day using conscious creation to believe you will get out of debt, you can make it happen.

Your Self-Image is More Powerful than Your Actual Image

Your Mind is an Instrument

Most of our thoughts are habitual and negative.

They are stories about the past and the future. Learn to use your mind and focus your attention on what you are doing.

“Your mind is an instrument, a tool. It is there to be used for a specific task, and when the task is completed, you lay it down. 80 to 90 percent of most people’s thinking is not only repetitive and useless, but because of its dysfunctional and often negative nature, much of it is also harmful. Observe your mind and you will find this to be true. It causes a serious leakage of vital energy.” – Eckhart Tolle

Tune in…

Change Your Attitude to Gratitude

The holiday season is here and it might make you feel joy, stress or fear.

It could bring up family struggles and romantic relationship issues.You may feel bad about your unmet goals and think about what you want but don’t have now.

Your ego (your mind and awareness) tells you stories about your past and based on your interpretations of your past, you doubt yourself and worry about your future.

“What if I never have….?”

90% of our thinking is negative and we spend way too much energy thinking about what we don’t have.

Shift your thoughts to a positive perspective and be thankful for what you have in the present moment.

When you focus on what you have, you instruct the brain to look for information, resources and opportunities to be thankful now. Then, your mind will see more evidence of that every day, and you’ll find yourself having more to appreciate, satisfaction in relationships, and self growth.

Here’s a quote on gratitude by author, Melody Beattie: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

You have the power to perceive the way in which you view the world. It’s time to change your attitude to gratitude.

Write down 3 specific things you are grateful for and e-mail it to me.

Give thanks and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Treat Yourself to Spa Deals

Sometimes it feels like our lives are filled with tight deadlines, frustrations and demands.

While we know how awful stress is, we’re constantly racing anyway.

It can be difficult to slow down and take time for ourselves.

But, we may not realize how our mind and body pay the price.

Need a break?

During that moment of down time at work, there’s an easy way to set up an appointment with Lifebooker.com where you’ll find exclusive health and beauty deals in NYC that offer stress-soothers from massages, to detox treatments, facials, haircuts and more.

Pampering yourself will give you energy to meet your personal challenges, feel self-confident, have healthy relationships, and more enjoyment in your life.

If you want to be your best, it’s time to take action and make yourself a priority.

As a Self in the City subscriber, you get an extra $10 towards any treatment on the site (if you have yet to book on Lifebooker.com).

Enter SELFINTHECITY in the Gift Certificate Box when checking out.

Click here to book it.

Turn Over a New Leaf

As summer ends and autumn begins, the sun sets earlier and the days get shorter.

Trees prepare for winter as their leaves change colors and eventually fall to the ground.

Nature responds naturally to the changing seasons. Let today, the first day of fall, inspire you towards personal growth. It’s time to let go of what no longer serves you and take on new challenges and responsibilities.

Despite your desire to make positive changes, you may feel stuck in bad habits and resist making a change. So, stop resisting it and start taking action.

And, if you’re having trouble changing on your own, having a life coach will help you get where you want to be more quickly and easily.

As a life coach, I’ll cheer you on, give you feedback, reaffirm your commitment, and motivate you to create new habits. You’ll discover healthy ways to manage your life.

I’ll track your performance to enable you to accomplish your goals. Don’t wait any longer to start a new career, boost your self-confidence, have a body you love or improve your relationships.

Just as trees know how to prepare for winter, personal growth starts with you knowing you’re ready and willing to take a step forward to change your life.

Today starts a new season-a reason to let bad habits fall away.

Turn over a new leaf.